Consenting to sex

Just because you have contraception and condoms sorted doesn’t mean you have to have sex. Make sure it’s your choice.

Consensual sex means:

• No pressure
• You both decide to do it
• You both feel happy and safe while doing it

Remember to check that you are both 100% up for it every time. You may have had sex together before, but just because they wanted to last time doesn’t mean they want to this time. Consenting to sex only means at this specific time, so if they say yes now it doesn’t mean yes next time too!

No pressure. No force. No regrets.

Sex is meant to make you feel good and bring you closer to someone. But this will only feel good if you both agree to it.

Don’t feel awkward about saying no to sex (or kissing, touching or any other sexual activity). ‘No’ is an important word in sex and relationships.

Nobody has the right to make you go further than you want to. You also have every right to say no, at any point, whoever you’re with. If you want to have sex but your boyfriend or girlfriend or friend doesn’t, you must respect their feelings.

If your partner says yes just to please you, or is unsure, or not ready – then you don’t have consent.

If your partner ever says no during sex or asks you to stop, you must stop immediately. Saying no should never be treated as a game or as a signal that someone is “playing hard to get.” However, it might be that they feel they can’t say no. Other things that might mean they’re not into it include reluctance to take part, freezing up during sex, crying or being silent.

Certain situations make it impossible for a person to legally give consent. These situations usually means a person is not mentally or physically able to choose whether to have sex or not. For example, if someone is drunk or high on drugs, then that person cannot give consent.

Not having consent can result in serious consequences including prosecution and even going to jail. For more information visit our page on sex and the law.